I Need A Boyfriend Dating Site

A woman has just realized that her boyfriend has been active on online dating sites. She is wondering if this is alright, and if she should address him.

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My old boyfriend and I have resumed our exclusive relationship. Years ago he told me he always looked online on dating sites, ”just to look.” I noticed that he still has an old profile on a dating site and has logged in within the past three days. What do I say to him if anything?

Signed: Concerned Girlfriend

Dear Concerned Girlfriend,

This is a very interesting question, and it really depends on how you feel about your boyfriend. From your question, I can tell that you two were together in the past. There was a period during which you two broke up, and now you are back together. It seems that you may have even gone for years without dating each other. There are some questions that I want you to ask yourself before you decide whether or not you say anything to your boyfriend:

• Why did the two of you break up in the first place? There must have been some reason for the two of you to have ended your relationship. Did you two just differ in the ways you think and behave? Was there infidelity involved on either side? Take a really good look at the reasons why your relationship ended the first time. Try to look objectively at what conflicts you had then, and see if they are still there. If the conflicts are still there, then I’m afraid you’re not in a lasting relationship unless you two put serious effort into resolving these conflicts. If there was infidelity involved, then there is going to be a major trust issue between the two of you that you will have to overcome this time around.
• What led the two of you to get back together? I’m always curious to know why people get back together. I get all kinds of answers to that question. Some couples, after they break up, realize how much they really loved each other and how petty their conflicts were. They get back together and work on resolving their conflicts in a more constructive way. This is a healthy example of how two people get back together. On the other end of the spectrum, I’ve heard people say that they found out they were more miserable without each other than with each other. so they went back to the familiar misery they felt in the relationship because it was relatively better. This is very unhealthy; it tells me that the partners are both unhappy people who feed off of each other’s misery.
• Was he active on the online dating sites the first time you were dating? You said in your questions that years ago he told you he was on the site “just to look.” Were you together then? It is really important to know this, because if you were OK with it the first time around, then he probably assumes you do not have a problem with it now. A simple conversation with him about where you stand now about his “just to look” statement may clear things out.
• Where doyou stand with regards to him just looking on online dating sites? Take a little bit of time and think about how you really feel about this. Are you just mildly annoyed by this, or is this a more serious issue to you? Is it serious enough that you’d want to end the relationship because of it? You need to know where you stand on the issue before you talk to him, otherwise you won’t know what to say. For example, if you are going to threaten to leave him unless he cancels out all of his online dating accounts, then you should be prepared to really leave him. On the other hand, if it is just a mild annoyance to you, then it may not even be worth the energy to talk about it with him. The decision on what to say to him is ultimately based on how you feel about the situation.
• How did you find out that he has been on online dating site? You did not mention this in your question. Did you just stumble onto this information because you share the same computer, or is it more complex than that? Do you have reason to mistrust your boyfriend? Have you been checking his computer accounts without his awareness? Are you yourself on dating sites and found out through your own account that he has been logged on? The answer to this question will tell you a lot about how much you and your boyfriend trust each other.

The simple message of the above questions for you is that first you need to know more about yourself. Spend some time and figure out why you are in this relationship, what you want out of the relationship, and how you feel about this specific situation before you talk to your boyfriend.

I want to share with you that although your question is very short, I get a sense that you do not trust your boyfriend. I believe that trust is the main ingredient for a healthy relationship, and without it, the relationship becomes troublesome and both of the partners suffer. I believe that once you know more about what you want from your relationship, it is important for you to talk to your boyfriend and clear the mystery of this situation. Open communication is essential for building a trusting and ultimately loving relationship. When you do talk, make sure you cover these areas:

• You believe that you are in an exclusive relationship with your boyfriend. The first thing you need to do is to make sure if your boyfriend is under the same impression. Also, you two probably should have a definition of what “exclusive” means to each of you. For example, does it mean you can still flirt with or even date other people as long as there is no physical intimacy with anyone else, or does it mean completely exclusive? If completely exclusive, then is it OK “just to look” or not?
• You know that he has been on the online dating sites. If he tries to lie to you, then he’s not trustworthy. Be aware that he may turn this on you and imply that you have been “spying” on him. Stay firm and let him know that you need to discuss the issue of his online dating activities, before you can start talking about the issue of how you found out. Don’t let him turn this around on you.
• Ask him why he needs to continue looking if he is already in a satisfying relationship. “Just to look” is not enough of an explanation. I am afraid he is staying with you while looking for something he would perceive as better or more exciting.
• Let him know what your feelings are about the the situation and what you need from him. Do not expect him to read your mind. Notice that I cannot tell from your question how you feel about this, and what you expect. He probably does not know either. Be precise and clear. For example, you may tell him that this is unacceptable to you and would lead to ending your relationship, or you may tell him that you would prefer that he stop looking. Again, you need to know where you stand before you talk to him.
• Make sure the conversation ends with clear understanding of expectations on both sides. Do not let him tell you how you “should” feel about a situation or what you “should” expect. Your feelings and expectations are your own, and no matter how much another person tries to change them for you, it never works.

Words to live by: “Trust is to human relationships what faith is to gospel living. It is the beginning place, the foundation upon which more can be built. Where trust is, love can flourish.” Barbara Smith

I hope this is helpful, and I wish you the best with your upcoming conversation,

Dcotor Life Advice

If you’re wondering how to find a boyfriend, sweetie, get in line! There may be plenty of fish in the sea, but who wants to date a fish? We want boyfriends, and we want good ones, now! I’ve done loads of research, and put myself through a grueling dating boot-camp, so I can help, at least a little. Here are 8 ways to find a boyfriend. Are you ready?

1 Online

There are literally hundreds and hundreds of dating sites out there, a few for every specific age group or religious affiliation or hobby you can think of. Why not try a few? I can highly recommend OKCupid and Fellody, but if you don’t like those, you can try a few of the others… why not?

2 Blind Dates

I don’t have a lot of luck with blind dates, but I know some people who have. Ask your friends (the ones whose opinions you actually trust) to set you up with their single male friends, and see what happens! If you find a boyfriend this way, your friend gets match-making bragging rights and you, of course, end up with a wonderful man in your life.

3 Out and about

The library, the gym, the bank, even the grocery store — all of the places we go every day are good places to find a boyfriend. Keep your eyes open and have a good opening line ready to use, and make sure you have a scrap of paper and a pen for taking down names and numbers of potential boyfriends!

4 Take a Class

School is an excellent place to meet men, no matter what your age. Register for an adult enrichment class, or just a class that interests you at a local community college. At least a third of the class is bound to be male, unless you’re taking a knitting or scrapbooking class, obviously.

5 Join a Group

Whether you’re into Dungeons and Dragons or obscure Russian literature, there’s sure to be a group that promotes the hobby in your area. Join the group! It’s a great way to meet men you’re sure share at least one thing in common with you! And better still, since they share your “unique” hobby or interest, they won’t judge you for it.

I Need A Boyfriend Dating Sites

6 Speed Dating

The idea is appallingly simple: you spend two minutes chatting with potential dates to see if there’s a connection or spark. If not, the buzzer sounds and you’re on to the next fella. It takes the pressure of a coffee date or worse, entire dinner, before you can tell if a guy is boyfriend material or not. And it’s fun!

7 Singles Nights

I Need A Boyfriend Dating Site Reviews

Singles nights aren’t just for clubs anymore. There are a lot of places that host them, covering every hobby and interest group you can imagine. Churches host them. Bike clubs and bingo halls have them. If there’s something in particular you’re into, check with a local group and see if they host a singles night, too!

8 If All else Fails…

If all else fails, and you just can’t seem to find a boyfriend, then maybe you’re just not ready for one. I know that in the past, when I’ve been particularly nit-picky about the men I’ve been dating, the problem was actually mine, not theirs. I just didn’t want a boyfriend! And that may be the case for you too. If so, embrace the single life and enjoying casual dating for a while!

Who knew there were so many ways to find a boyfriend? And they’re all so much fun… in fact, you might even be doing some of them already, and you didn’t even know it! Which of these do you think you’ll try first? Or, if you already have a brilliant boyfriend, how did you find him? Do tell!

Boyfriend Is On Dating Sites

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