Women Dating Over 40

Let’s be blunt: dating at 40 isn’t the same as dating at 20. But not for the reasons you might think. It’s not because you’re older, pickier, or that the dating pool has shrunk. The dating pool is the same; and as for your age, well, you’re just a bit older and way more impatient. Nobody blames you for that. At 40, the trick to having a bullshit-free dating experiences is simple: change your mindset, attitude, and approach.

Dating At 40 For Women

Read these straight-up tips about dating when you’re 40 and single to approach things the right way:

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1. Stop caring so much.
Easier said than done, obviously. But there’s truth to this whole not-caring thing. Good things come to those who have even better things to care about. Now you might be thinking, “What’s more important than finding love?” That’s where your thinking is wrong.

If your biggest care in life is finding love, that means your biggest priority isn’t YOU. People who have active, satisfying lives are the most inspiring and attractive people. But if you’re always in self-pity mode, sulking around and hating your singleness, you’re not going to attract positive people.

Women Dating Over 50

People you’ve just met don’t like feeling responsible to renew your faith in dating. You’re not an empty vessel who needs to be rescued; so take care of yourself first! When you’re 40 and single, focus on being fabulously 40 and single. This mindset will empower you to date with more confidence.

2. Create and attract positive energy.
Positive people attract each other—and yes, The Law of Attraction is real. Newsflash to any skeptics or anti-spiritualists out there, the Law of Attraction really is a LAW—like actually, it’s quantum physics!

But let’s not bore you with the nerdy details and keep it simple: Brain imaging studies prove that when we feel someone’s amazing energy, our brain mirrors those feelings, “as though you are actually doing these things,” says Award-winning Neuroscientist, Srinivasan Pillay in Huffington Post.

No wonder we’re naturally drawn to positive people. We all want to feel that positive energy, especially from others. So ditch any sourness or pessimism you may have about dating at 40. It’ll only turn people away.

3. Avoid one night stands.
Sure, one night stands can be hot. But are they hot enough to sacrifice a meaningful relationship? Some singles believe that they can have it all: relish the thrills of one-nighters and still keep their hopes open for something deeper. There’s only one problem with this logic…

Again, we’ll revisit The Law of Attraction. You get what you put out. So if you’re indulging in meaningless sex, you shut down your relationship-attracting energy. You’re not genuinely practicing the lifestyle of someone who values love, making you more unlikely to find it.

4. Believe actions, not words.
Age-old and foolproof, the rule of seeking actions over words never gets stale. Just because you’re 40, the singles don’t magically get designated with a maturity badge or a diploma in honesty.

So stay sharp when you date and don’t take people’s words so seriously. They might claim to want a serious, meaningful relationship, but how do you know? They might even dazzle you with tales of their noble integrity or sob stories about how their ex hurt them. Maybe they seem super sincere when they say they’re looking for the one. Take it with a grain of salt, and wait and see if their actions match up to their words.

5. Don’t air your dirty dating laundry.
Everyone has dating problems. Don’t advertise yours. When you’re dating, set the negativity aside and put your best self forward.

No matter how bad the baggage may be, don’t talk about it. Or imagine how you’d feel, listening to someone air their dirty laundry. Do you want to hear about how their dad’s in jail or that their landlord is a psycho? These stories don’t make your life seem more interesting; they make you seem unstable.

Even minor stuff, like why you hate your ex, should be off limits. These stories suck the energy out of the date.

6. Avoid Mr. or Miss player on dating apps.
Sifting through the nonsense is easy. You just need to turn up your jerk radar and make better choices. Tons of people, both men and women, complain about using dating apps at 40. But usually, it’s not the apps— it’s your judgement that needs a little work. You’re just not seeing the signs.

The clearest signs that someone may be a player are revealed in the first five minutes of chatting. Here’s a big one: if they say they’re only casually looking to date, believe them. You won’t magically change their mind. Here’s another sign: if they’re overly flirty or worse, ask for sexy pics. Just delete these people. Unless they’re asking you thoughtful questions about your career, values and interests, forget them.

Stop cutting people so much slack. Don’t ever think that you need to dole out more chances because you might regret losing out on potential. There’s no potential with these clowns and you’re not desperate enough to flush away your time finding out. Instead, look at the truth right in front of you. It’ll bring you closer to finding what you desire.

7. Make your dating goals clear.
Always make sure the person you’re dating knows your dating goals. There’s a myth that it’s more attractive to act cool and pretend you’re not looking for anything serious. Apparently, admitting to wanting something more could be a turnoff. What the heck?

That’s like walking into a clinic and not telling your doctor what you’re feeling because you’re worried he’ll feel too much pressure to cure you. It’s the same twisted logic. If someone is truly interested in something special, they won’t get turned off from knowing you want the same. Anyone who does has commitment issues. You don’t need to these dysfunctional narcissists in your life. Let their therapist deal with them.

Dating at 40 isn’t that different from dating at any other age. The only difference is that you’ve got more experience, better taste and hopefully, a lower tolerance for bullshit. You already know what you deserve. Act on it.

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Let’s face it, dating in your 40s is nothing like dating in your 20s and even your 30s. The older you get the more difficult dating can be. But, despite what some may lead you to believe, it’s far from impossible to find someone who’s perfect for you if you happen to be dating after 40.

Here are 10 other lies women dating in their 40s need to stop telling themselves:

Lie #1: There are no single men where I live.
Truth: Maybe where you live the ratio of men to women is low, but statistics show that 50% of Americans are single so there are definitely men out there to meet, says Lori Bizzoco, relationship expert and executive editor of Cupidspulse.com. “Maybe you just aren’t looking in the right place. If you feel that there are no men in your surrounding area, go outside of your community or town. You could also join activities that single people enjoy or put your profile on a dating site,” she says.

Lie #2: Women dating after 40 aren’t as desirable as younger women.
Truth: Men (younger and older) are definitely attracted to women over 40. “We live in a judgmental society that reveres youth and frowns on women who don’t live traditional lives. The truth is women over 40 are sexy,” says Shannon Lee, a relationship expert and columnist. “We don’t have to compete with our younger counterparts. Life experience (children, careers, previous marriages, etc.) does not negate attractiveness for women, any more than it does for men.”

Lie #3: Men aren’t interested in dating someone who’s a mom.
Truth: People with children tend to be responsible, caring, and selfless—probably more so than their footloose and fancy free counterparts, says professional matchmaker, April Davis. “All of these thoughts about unwanted baggage, etc., that blooms in our minds when this subject comes up are usually misplaced. Men are actually DRAWN to nurturing and caring personality types, and being a mother may be what the opposite sex is looking for.”

Lie #4: Men will think older women have too much relationship baggage.
Truth: The time between the ending of an old relationship and the beginning of a new relationship is ripe for self-reflection and growth, says Dr. Alexandra Solomon, a licensed clinical psychologist and author of Loving Bravely: 20 Lessons of Self-Discovery to Help You Get the Love You Want. “The degree to which you can take responsibility for the baggage you carried from your last romantic relationship is the degree to which you can enter into a new relationship with health and integrity.”

Lie #5: Men are intimidated by an established woman in her 40s.
Truth: A man in his 40s or older is ready to have a team mate and an experienced woman at this point in their lives. “They want a partner they can have fun with and who can meet their needs, without worrying about the relationship being one-sided and having to teach someone about life. They know you’re not going to be dependent on them, since you have your own career and money,” says Sarah Mandel, a relationship expert and licensed psychotherapist. Basically you’ve got your life together and that makes you a much more attractive package.

Lie #6: I’m too old to have kids and start a family.
Truth: Although having kids may be harder after you turn 35, this lie women tell themselves couldn’t be farther from the truth. “Nowadays, women can and do have kids in their early to mid 40s. I am living proof. I had a child at 42. My sister had a child at 43. And, my sister-in-law had a child at 48! You have plenty of options, so stop thinking that you’ll never have kids. The probability that you will is greater than the probability that you won’t,” says Bizzoco.

Lie #7:Women over 40 don’t need anyone else.
Truth: This may be true for some, but it is also a cop-out for women that desire a relationship and are too afraid to seek it. “There are many women who want companionship and don’t give themselves permission to acknowledge their true desires. It’s seen as brave to stay single. Some women are guilted into staying single by their friends or family and some are just intimidated by the dating scene. Whatever the reason you will not attract a suitable partner until you’re open to the possibility,” says Lee.

Lie #8:Men want women who look like they’re in their 20s.
Truth: Men want you to be yourself. Many women who believe that men only want women who look young will compensate by dressing out of the wrong section of the store. Then, instead of wearing things that complement their age, their wardrobes draw more attention to their insecurity. “Dress in a way that highlights your best features, and don’t worry about being trendy or provocative with your clothing choices. You are the most attractive when you feel confident and self-assured, and wearing clothes that you feel this way in goes a long way,” says Davis.

Lie #9: Men don’t want to date women with older bodies.
Truth: Men like a woman without hang-ups about her body. “A woman in her 40s has learned to embrace her body without the hang-ups. Many women in their 40s are body confident because they’re eating well, working out, and feeling better about themselves then when they were younger. A man is turned on by a women who’s confident and not afraid to ask for what she wants,” says Mandel.

Lie #10:Women over 40 aren’t capable of having successful relationships.
Truth: With failed past relationships we often learn life lessons and insight about our own relationship patterns. Afterwards, people are often more mature and clear about what they want in a relationship moving forward. “When we give ourselves time for introspection, we put ourselves in a better position to have a successful, long-lasting relationship the next time around. We have learned how to communicate and have the tools to work through conflict better than we did when we were younger,” says Lee.

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